Down and Dirty
by ljp
Summary: Ever heard of JELLO wrestling?! *g* Hogwarts' first annual Jello wrestling event.


**Down and Dirty**

_A piece of humor written by LJP_

**Author's Note:**  So it's Homecoming here at school, and the event of the night?  Jello wrestling.  Me, being as sick and twisted as I am, decided halfway through cheering and jeering those participating, that it would be rather hilarious to see our beloved HP characters getting it on.  Hence, this story.  

**_A Small Warning:_**_ There are very, very subtle hints of slash in this. But it's not sick and disgusting, I promise.  So those of you opposed to it, fear not!  If you hate it that bad though, do not continue.  Thank you_.

**Disclaimer:**  HP and co. belongs to JKR.  Not me.

***

Professor Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat.  "In an effort to become better acquainted with Muggle tradition, the other professors and I have decided that we are going to host an event known as Jello wrestling."

A murmur spread through the Great Hall.  Everyone wanted to know what this "Jello wrestling" was and how it was to happen?  Everyone talked at once, trying to make sense of it.  A few of the Muggle-borns could provide some insight, having heard random comments here and there from older relatives – ones that were in Muggle colleges.

Dumbledore held up a hand.  "Allow me to explain: Jello wrestling is an event made popular by Muggle college students.  We will have an inflatable pool out on the grounds of the courtyard filled with Jello.  Four students will then climb into the pool and wrestle each other – no magic will be used whatsoever."

Not many of the students had any idea what Jello was.  Someone at the Hufflepuff table managed to ask the question loud enough for the Headmaster to hear.  In response, he continued.  "Jello is a dessert substance created by Muggles – it is just like the gelatin we often have at our Halloween feast, only in this case, it will be softer, easy to move around in."

The chatter started up again.  Who would participate?  When would it be?  How would it be judged?  Is everyone allowed to do it?

At the realization that even more questions than he had anticipated were being asked, Dumbledore still continued.  "Anyone interested will sign up in pairs.  From there, each pair will be paired up with another pair, not necessarily of the same house.  The contest, which will take place a week from tonight, will be judged simply by applause.  Everyone is welcomed and encouraged to sign up."  He smiled warmly over the crowd.  "If you have any more questions, please see either myself or your Head of House.  Thank you."  Dumbledore sat down, allowing his students to finish their meal.

Jello wrestling was all anyone could talk of all evening.

***

The day of the event had arrived.  The pairs had been made.  The opponents had been arranged.  The crowd had gathered.  The Jello was blue.  It was raining.

Professor McGonagall stepped into the middle of the crowd of students who were all anxious to watch this historic event.  She cast a quick charm to amplify her voice.  "Our first contestants tonight are Padme Patil and Cho Chang against Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown."

The four girls emerged from the crowd.  The Gryffindor girls were wearing gold tank tops and maroon shorts while the Ravenclaw's had chosen black and white.  They all stepped hesitantly into the pool, making faces as their body came in contact with the slimy, wet substance.  They all shook hands before McGonagall gave the sign to begin.

In an instant, they were at each other's throats.  Parvati had jumped on her sister's back, slamming her down into the Jello, spraying it all over the crowd.  Lavender shrieked as Cho took a handful and smeared it all over her face.

"This is way better than the dueling club second year."  Neville Longbottom whispered to Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan.  They began egging on their housemates.

By the time the four girls were finished, they were all completely covered in Jello, the two Ravenclaws' white shirts now bright blue and see-through.  After it was over, it was generally agreed that they had all wrestled well, causing the event to be a draw.

"Fred and George Weasley and Angelina Johnson and Katie Bell."  McGonagall announced next.

A few whispers circulated amongst everyone gathered – it was a well known fact that Fred and Angelina were dating; so were George and Katie.  

When, after only a few seconds in the pool, George stripped down to only his red boxers, someone cat-called.  A few girls whistled.  Someone, from Slytherin probably, yelled out, "Put the shirt back on!"

Unfortunately, the match did not last too long.  The twins and their girlfriends quickly found themselves unable to keep their hands off each other, and Professor McGonagall had to separate them all before any more public displays of affection could be witnessed.

There were two more groups going, a team of second year Ravenclaws against third year Hufflepuffs, and then a group of first year Slytherins against themselves.

"You nervous 'Mione?"  Ron asked, watching as his girlfriend paced back and forth, wearing a hole in the grass.

She looked up at him suddenly.  "Not at all.  Gin and I are ready to kick their asses, right Gin?"  Hermione turned to look at the younger girl, who was pulling her long red locks back into a ponytail.  Her hair tie was in her mouth, so all she could do was nod.

"Next up…"  Professor McGonagall announced.  "We have Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley against Millicent Bumstrode and Pansy Parkinson."

When the four girls had climbed into the pool, the two Slytherins didn't even take the moment to shake hands with their opponents.  Parkinson lunged at Hermione, grabbing at her neck and slamming her down into the Jello.  Bumstrode went for Ginny's legs, knocking her over the side of the pool and slamming her head on the grass.    
  
Ginny groaned, but managed to stand up.  When she did, she went after Bumstrode, her arms wailing at her.  She smacked the bigger girl in the face, causing her to fall backwards on top of Hermione and Parkinson, who were rolling around in the Jello.  Hermione's hands went to Pansy's hair, tugging hard.  The Slytherin screamed.

Everyone gathered around got into the fight.  Gryffindors were screaming at Slytherins.  Ravenclaws were screaming at Hufflepuffs.  Everyone was screaming and urging the girls to fight harder.  The crowd was growing fiercer as the girls were beating each other up harder.  Finally, it had gotten to be too much, and Professors Snape, McGonagall, Sprout, and Lupin had to forcibly remove all four from the pool.

"Stupid Mudblood bitch!"  Parkinson yelled, struggling to free herself from Snape's arms.

"Slytherin scum!"  Hermione countered.

"Why don't you go back and screw your little Muggle-loving boyfriend Granger?"  Millicent countered, managing to get away from Sprout.  She ran over to Hermione and jumped on her, knocking Professor McGonagall away.

"Shut up bitch!  I don't want to hear you say anything about my brother!"  Ginny screamed, freeing herself from Lupin's grasp and jumping on top of Millicent.  Finally, Pansy got away and jumped on top of the pile.  There was a lot of screaming and a lot of swearing going on.  Punches were thrown.  At least wands had been confiscated before the fight.

It took all four professors, and a group of seventh years to get the four girls to stop fighting.  They were all dragged off to the infirmary with promises of detention, much to the rest of the student body's dismay.

"Oh man."  Some Ravenclaw fifth year said.  "They were really going at it."

"Oh yeah."  Another one said.  "I can't wait to see Potter and Malfoy fight.  That will be a good one."

Unfortunately, they never got to see it.  "May I have your attention please?"  Headmaster Dumbledore announced, parting the crowd and stepping directly into a puddle of half melted Jello.  "Due to the circumstances surrounding the last fight, the staff has decided to cancel the rest of the event.  Please return to your dormitories.  Classes will resume Monday as usual."

There was a resounding groan from the crowd, but it began to disperse.  Eventually, the only people left were Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Draco Malfoy.  Ron tried to get his friend away.  "C'mon Harry.  He's not worth it."

Harry shrugged him off.  "I'll be fine Ron.  Go on.  I'll meet up with you."  His friend was hesitant, but left the two alone.

Malfoy, with a smirk on his face, bent down and picked up a handful of Jello.  He slid the slimy substance around in his hand.  "So, Potter.  We didn't get a chance to 'wrestle,' now did we?"

Harry raised an eyebrow.  "No, we didn't."  

Draco shrugged.  "There's no reason why the Headmaster should stop us."

Harry laughed, taking a step closer.  Malfoy hurled the wad of Jello at him.  It hit him square in the face.  As it slid down his face, Harry reached up to touch the wet ick.  "Why you…"  

With that, he leapt at Malfoy, knocking him down into the pool.  The Jello splashed up all around them.  Malfoy reached up to pull a piece of Jello off Harry's face.  He smirked and put his finger into his mouth.  "Mmn….lime."  The Gryffindor laughed aloud.

"Shut up you."  Harry silenced him with a soft, chaste kiss.

Then the two of them set to the task of Jello wrestling.

***

**Author's Note:** Definitely not what I had in mind when I began it.  However, Draco and Harry just ran away with it.  I had no say.  Hope you liked it.  Leave me a review and let me know!


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